Who do you get your strength from?

So many times I sit and write about myself and my life but what about those around me?  The ones who’ve help me fight this demon?   They are the unsung heroes, without them I’d not be able to fight like I do or as long as I have. Each of them offers something.

Doc Nick
Most of you all know about my doctor. Doc Nick the one doctor out there who’s not given up on me and told me to go home and just be comfortable. “As long as you are willing to fight I will push the envelope, it will be hard and very painful for you but I will do my best to help you in your fight.”. That was 7 years ago after a chemotherapy accident when I was double dosed. I could go more in depth with all of the treatments, case studies, surgeries…… Go back and read them you will see

My Nurses
All of them, Glenda, Bea, Brandon, Jessica, Brenda… These are the angels of the hospitals. Overworked and many times under appreciated. Beating me up when I needed it, coddling me when it was warranted. Opened up their lives and homes to me. They are the central hub to my care keeping everything on track. Keeping everyone I love informed. Set up all the rules I actually follow and tell me whIch ones of the doctors I can ignore.

My Parents
Even when I was a selfish, angry asshole they never stopped caring. Something many don’t know is I pushed them away and hurt them by denying them access to me. Even through all of that they were there for me and when I got my head out of my anal orifice we worked at mending the damage that I did in my selfishness. At the time I felt I had to fight cancer the way I did, to be able to survive, I was wrong in so many ways.

My sister Donnett

She is the true unsung hero of this all.  This is a woman who has 2 kids of her own and a husband who’s an  active duty Marine.  Why are those 2 facts so important?  Think about it,  what has been happening in the world in the last 10 years that I’ve been sick?  So this is a mother of 2 who’s husband has been in one warzone or another while I’ve been under going treatments.

This is a lot of stress on one person, yet she has never backed down from helping me and being my voice and making sure that I’m being cared for.  Some people don’t understand why we did the things we did, or do.  The texting and the emails.  How would you be if you got an emotional phone call from a care giver and be asked if you wanted to keep your loved one on life support, or be told he/she may not make it through the night and have to weigh the pros and cons of a decision.  Was that the best decision for me? What will be the quality of my life because of those decisions?

Sleeping on the couch to be near a computer for texting.  Staying up all night not really sleeping because I’d crashed multiple times in the night.  Then getting up and taking care of her family and being strong for her 2 children while dad was away and their uncle is fighting for his life.

Being my sounding board, my support, my sanity.  When I wanted to just crawl in a hole and die at times and give up she was and is there.  If the day ever comes that I’m done with this dance she’ll be there.

In simple terms she’s been my roller coaster partner while we’ve all ridden this ride.  And my source of strength when I’ve needed grounding.

Friends and Loved ones

Jeremy:   The guy I can say “yes please and have a beer with whether I’m supposed to or not.  The one that even as sick as I’ve been never treats me like I’m sick.  His couch had a permanent print of my ass on it I think.

Crystal:  The woman I love who’s been there even though the distances have kept us apart.  We’ve cried together, yelled together, a lot together.  Like with every relationship we’ve had our ups and our downs, but in the end we always have each other.

Work: You are thinking what?  Think about it how many employers would keep you on employment and help you as much as my employers have?  So yeah work can be stressful but those people are a big part of my life and give more than any employer ever has to.


Mary Ann: She opened her home to me and my Maggie and has made this last round the most bearable in a long time.  A quick example.   She makes sure I eat and eat healthy.  She takes care of Maggie when I’m not able to.  Her son and Mother help by staying here and checking on me.  How many roommates would bring you breakfast in bed after surgery?  Call you on their way home to make sure you’ve eaten dinner?  A little factoid.  I’m 3 pounds heavier than I was when I went into treatment and my complications have been 3 times less than ever before because of her and her families help.  She gives me my space when I need it and yet is there with help when needed, even when her own plate is full from life.


These are just some small samples of the people in my live who have made it possible for me to fight my fight and who are the ones that I draw all of my strength from.



One Response to Who do you get your strength from?

Days In Remission
In Remission for 211 days.
October 2010